
My brain felt like it was on fire. I could hear every single sound inside the house from my washing machine to the music on the radio to my fridge leaking water to the steaming teapot and beyond. On top of that, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I had to do in the next fifty years. What is my life amounting to?
My Sunday night was a little overwhelming and that is why I stepped outside for a moment. I needed to catch my breath. Find some fresh air. Hear the sound of the trees, smell the new mown grass next door, see the sky. Chill out.
Right outside my back door there is an iron gazebo. Flower pots and little candles nestle in each pillar leveling the structure. It’s one of my favorite places to sit. Usually when I go outside at night I engage all my senses with everything going on around me, but not on this night. There were no porch lights on, no lights peering out windows, no neighbors talking, no cars passing by. My dark, quiet, back yard felt huge, unknowable and unconquerable. The only thing I had to focus on was the warm tea I was holding in my hand and a little candle I lit. I propped my feet up on the table and leaned back in my chair. I just wanted to sit still for a second and not think. I wanted nothing to do with the thoughts of what I wasn’t amounting to and how tomorrow I was going to be ninety years old and what would I have to show for it.
So, there I was sipping my glass of hot tea and focusing on that little candle. That flame took my mind to a grander place. Just imagine ending world poverty, finding a cure for cancer. What about running my 150th marathon at ninety years of age? Perfect.
Fortunately for me, before I slipped any further into my outrageous imaginary accomplishments I was drawn towards a very true thought. That little candle reminded me of a very good book called The Gospel of John.
“In Him was life, and that life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it (Jn 1:4-5).”
It’s not up to me to conquer the world in the next fifty to ninety years. The point of my life isn’t to “accomplish” whatever it is that will make me feel accomplished. It’s up to Him. It’s all about Him.
So as I sat in my back yard overwhelmed with my lack of abilities, I raised my tea cup to the fact that I have accomplished nothing and that He has accomplished everything.
Here’s to the candle in my back yard.
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